Winter Holidays, Expectations, and Family

We are in the midst of a heavy couple weeks of holidays. For many of us that means gatherings with friends, family, and others. And for some that means isolation, sadness, and loneliness. These lists aren’t mutually exclusive as I know several people that experience both sides of this.

Not everyone experiences the holiday season the same way, and it’s essential to remember this ourselves while also explaining that to our children in a way appropriate to them.

Maintaining the realization of varied holiday emotional response allows us to see people in need we might otherwise bulldoze with “good tidings”. We can better set expectations for how people will react to gifts and time spent together. And we can allow ourselves to feel things other than joy and merriment.

We need to make sure that as individuals and as parents we set reasonable expectations that allow space for emotions that run the full spectrum, and allows for activities to be less-than-perfect or even unplanned.

I am a bit of a Clark Griswold (National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) in that I build up expectations of perfect holidays with perfect family gatherings and the ideal Christmas bonus/present. But thankfully some reality and introspection have made me aware of this, and I can now hold hope for perfection while realistically expecting something better than disaster but less than amazing.

I’ve realized that I have unfairly expected a holiday to make me feel better and solve all the problems I’m facing (for a few days at least). I still fall in that trap, but I’m at least more aware that it’s happening and can try to pull myself out of that quicksand.

My kids are still holding a lot of hope for the holiday season, and they still experience a lot of joy easily simply because Christmas is coming. I have no desire to squash that, but I want to make sure my wife and I are providing a safe and accepting space for the kids to experience less shiny feelings if that happens.

This week is a stressful one for many: Take time for yourself (no it isn’t selfish), set reasonable expectations, find peace and joy whenever possible and comment on it, and let yourself be you rather than trying to be a holiday-fied version of yourself

Top 5 Hidden Perks of Christmas Season

5. The cookies, oh, the cookies.

4. Charities get to raise more money for their cause as folks are feeling extra generous.

3. A dozen variations of home light shows synced to the same program of songs within 10 minutes of your house.

2. Easy access to SO MANY Christmas movies on streaming services, cable, and regular TV.

1. People are genuinely thinking about being nicer to each other.

The Value of Christmas Movies

“Christmas is a loving, honest, and charitable time. And though it’s never put a scrap of silver or gold in my pocket, I believe Christmas has done me good and will do me good, and I say God bless it.” — Fred Scrooge, The Muppet Christmas Carol

Well, it’s now December, and it’s officially Christmas season. There are many things I enjoy about this time of year, but one well I keep going back to is that of Christmas movies.

A good Christmas movie, and honestly even a bad one, is just plain fun to watch. It’s full of feel-good moments, usually a little mischief, and–of course–a Christmas carol or two. It’s just plain fun to sit down and watch the holiday hijinks of Home Alone, the family drama and ensuing humor of Christmas Vacation, and the giant human who somehow thinks he’s an elf in Elf.

Then there are some movies I simply watch because they remind me of that time I watched it on VHS with my dad; or that time the Christmas season was wearing me down, but that movie came through for me. The nostalgia factor is high for the Christmas season, and there are many movies that come in clutch to get a dose of that feeling.

Speaking of feeling, some movies just make me feel things I normally suppress outside of Christmas season. Even though I’ve watched It’s a Wonderful Life a bunch of times I know that the next time I sit down to watch I will tear up thinking about his realization that his life mattered much more than he thought it did.

In our house we’ve made it a tradition to watch certain movies each Christmas season. We are a family that holds out until at least Thanksgiving evening before we’ll do anything Christmas-related. But between Thanksgiving night and Christmas eve there are a handful of movies we will definitely watch including Elf, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, and a few others. We love these movies, because they do all of the things I mentioned before: they’re fun, they invoke nostalgia, and they give us the feels.

“Maybe Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. Maybe Christmas…perhaps means a little bit more!” – How the Grinch Stole Christmas

There are some movies that I used to watch back in the day (which for those that know that was a Wednesday), but no longer really want to watch. They’ve moved past the nostalgia and don’t give me that same sense of fun I once felt. I realized over the last couple of years that now that I’ve outgrown movies it’s time for them to be passed on to the kiddos. Now they can enjoy Mickey’s Christmas Carol and others in a way similar to what I used to do, and from time to time I’ll be able to check in for that nostalgic feeling if necessary. It’s great!

So, what’s your favorite Christmas movie (drop it in the comments below)?

Devotional for Week of December 22, 2014

Luke 2:11 – “Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord.”

This is the week that we remember the greatest gift ever given to man.  This Thursday is Christmas Day!  On that day we remember the birth of a baby king.  He came to us to lead us, to save us, to protect us.  Even as a baby Jesus was able to do each of those things for all that encountered him.

For me, this week is not only a reminder of what Jesus came to do for all of us, but also what he has come to do in my life as well.  He came to save the world, but it’s important to remember that the world includes you and me.  His birth as a humble baby changed mankind and changed my individual life as well.

Without that birth, in a time of craziness and among the animals and the mud, my life wouldn’t be what it is today.  I wouldn’t have the faith, the optimism, or the hope I do today.  Jesus died for me, but first he was born for me.

Prayer:  Lord, thank you for giving us, giving me, your son as a savior and king.  Great things have been done through the birth, life, and death of Jesus.  Thank you for bringing him to this world to lead us and save us.  And thank you Lord for providing your son as a guidepost and savior for me.  He came for all of us, and all of us includes me, so thank you lord for sending my personal savior.

Top 5 Pre-Christmas Thoughts to Avoid

5.  “Will I get the bonus that allows me to put in a swimming pool, or will I get stuck with a membership to the Jelly of the Month club?”

4.  “So if Christmas is on a Thursday, then what am I supposed to do about my in-laws on Friday?”

3.  “My kids deserve coal this year, so maybe I’ll take them to a coal mine.”

2.  “Did I buy enough to make everyone forget the kind of guy I’ve been this year?”

1.  “Why is that jolly guy in red velvet watching me while I sleep?”

I’m hoping this post will mark the return of my blog, because I’ve been away for far too long.  We’ll see how things go though…

Holiday Hoopla

Halloween:  The Candy & The Chaos

I remember the days when Halloween was a one day event that kids dressed up for and hoped to get the most candy of all their friends and siblings.  Maybe I was just oblivious when I was younger, but it seems that there are so many other opportunities to celebrate Halloween now.  In fact, we are still five days from the actual day of Halloween, but my kids have already been in costume three times.

They are adorable as a minion (Despicable Me) and Minnie Mouse, so I don’t mind one bit.  I especially don’t mind that they have dressed up three times and only have about twenty pieces of candy a piece.  Our girls are way too young, in our opinion, to have too much candy.  Since they have only received a little bit it’s easy to try to teach them about how it is special and not to be eaten at just any time.

Turkey Day Drama

Thanksgiving is coming up quickly.  This is often the most overlooked holiday—much to my wife’s dismay—and that’s not the way it should be.  Thanksgiving is a great day to spend time with family, watch some good football, and eat a feast.  This has been the go-to prescription for many people over the years, including me, but retailers and other factors are cutting into the traditions.

I usually take part in the Black Friday craziness, but I don’t buy much, if anything.  Maybe that’s why I won’t take part in the Thanksgiving Day shopping, but I’m pretty sure I just don’t like the idea of an industry changing how they do things in a way that helps their bottom line (theoretically) while hurting their employees.  The extent of my Thanksgiving shopping has always been a morning trip to the corner store for a newspaper and sometimes a coffee.  I welcome you to join me in abstaining from the Thanksgiving Day shopping, and instead stay home, spend time with family, and relax.

The Trees and The Lights

Christmas is just two months away, but that doesn’t mean we need to freak out about holiday plans, present buying, and family photos just yet.  Take it easy, make a plan, and help yourself to a lower stress Christmas season.  It’s too early in the year for me to comfortably write a lot about Christmas, so that’s all I’ll say for now.