Top 5 Questions Pets Have

5.     When can I eat next?

4.     Where are you going and why can’t I go too?

3.     Why do I have to be naked if my owner isn’t?

2.     Can you teach me how to watch TV?

1.     How would things be if I owned you?


Top 5 Reasons Cars Are a Necessary Evil

5.    (Necessary) It wouldn’t be easy for my wife and I to have three jobs, two kids, one car, and no public transit.

4.    (Evil) Cars make the decision to fall apart, TWICE, right when it seems like finances were going to move in the right direction.

3.    (Necessary) How else would we transport ourselves through the ever-expanding suburbia we call home?

2.    (Evil) They often cost more to use and maintain than to purchase.

1.    (Evil) They force the decision of:  Do I fix the car so I can safely get to work or do I buy the groceries and fix the furnace while hoping the car fixes itself?

I guess, to me, cars a less of a necessary evil and more of an EVIL necessity…

Top 5 Reasons January 2nd is the Most Underrated Date of the Year

5.    For many people, young and old, it’s the first non-hung-over day of the year.

4.    It’s often the first work day of the year, so it’s the first chance to pull an office prank in the new year.

3.    In the future it will create a date that reads 1-2-34.

2.    Most resolutions may be made on January 1st, but most aren’t put into action until January 2nd.

1.    Everyone looks forward to that pesky day before it (New Year’s) even when it’s 364 days away.

Top 5 End of Year Panics

5.     I need to hurry up and make resolutions for next year!  People are going to ask … 

4.     Speaking of resolutions, where did I put my list from this year?  I know I resolved to do something.

3.     Dang it, I was finally used to writing 2014 and now I’ll have to switch to 2015.  Crap!  I just wrote 2015, but it’s still 2014.

2.     My check stub says I made how much?  Where did all that go?

1.     Ok, I found the list.  Is there any way to save $1,000, lose 30 pounds, spend more time travelling, and spend more time with family in less than a week?!?

I hope you all had a great 2014, and I wish you the best 2015 you can possibly have!

Top 5 Pre-Christmas Thoughts to Avoid

5.  “Will I get the bonus that allows me to put in a swimming pool, or will I get stuck with a membership to the Jelly of the Month club?”

4.  “So if Christmas is on a Thursday, then what am I supposed to do about my in-laws on Friday?”

3.  “My kids deserve coal this year, so maybe I’ll take them to a coal mine.”

2.  “Did I buy enough to make everyone forget the kind of guy I’ve been this year?”

1.  “Why is that jolly guy in red velvet watching me while I sleep?”

I’m hoping this post will mark the return of my blog, because I’ve been away for far too long.  We’ll see how things go though…

Top 5 Things to Do with a Pumpkin

5.     Carve an image that has people wondering.

4.     Punkin Chunkin.  It’s real.  Look it up.

3.     Buy one and set it in your back yard.  Your neighbors don’t need to see what you have…

2.     Scoop out the seeds with goo covered hands.  Then roast the seeds, and wipe your hands on someone you love.

1.     Cut a hole in the bottom, clean out the pumpkin, and attempt to wear the pumpkin on your head.